I'm Back!

Oh my faithful followers! I have neglected you for so long! I am so sorry!

So much has happened but this is mainly to talk about my mission's trip!

I just came back from a two week mission trip to Dallas, TX. I planned on going to New York but the funding did not come in, so I went to Dallas.
At the beginning of this trip I really did not want to go. I just wanted to get it over with so i could go home (in 4 days!!) But as the trip got closer I really wanted to be able to make a difference. Now with Global Expeditions there is a leadership scale. We have Project Directors (PD) who head up the whole trip (Mom, Dad this is what Liz does) they make sure we have food a place to sleep etc etc) Then under them are Team Leaders (TL) under them are Missionary Advisors (MA) under them are the missionaries. Got it? I know its confusing, but stay with me!

OK so in order to be a TL you have to be 21 and in order to be an MA you have to be 18. on my trip there were about 22 people over the age of 18. They were called Missionary Advisor Candidates. (MAC) We met two days before the trip started for MA training, on my second morning there I received word that Katelyn had passed away. I really didn't think I was going to be able to go on the trip, but God pulled through, of course, and i made it.

I didnt think I was going to be chosen to be an MA on the trip because of my current emotional state- but I was!!!
I was really excited and really nervous at the same time. I met my MAG (Missionary Advisor Group) which had 4 girls in it.
This is a really long story but I will try and make it short.
the first time with them was very awkward, but within 10 mins we were discussing our home lives and the sad state of thier schools and how they managed to come out alright so far. We continued on the week with missionary training- including learning attention getting dramas and VBS cirruiculum. Tuesday night we left for Dallas, which turned out to be Arlington, meh that's ok.

We worked with Mission Arlington and did VBS at apartment comlpexs in the area.
Wed-Sat we did VBS and door to door ministry, Sunday we did a church service and Monday was our final day of VBS. Tuesday was a service project, Wed we went to Six Flags Thursday was debreifing and Friday was Travel Day.

Throughout the week I learned a lot about ministry in this country. If you remember that is what my heart really is. reaching this lost country. I was able to get training and really reach out and do my best to make a difference. We saw Children's lives get changed and hearts get stirred with a love for the Lord. It was really amazing. I also got to see the 13-17 year olds really walk out in boldness and faith and tell other people about the Lord. Some people were so on fire they could not stop talking to everyone they met about the Lord. Even this one kid who I thought was going to be trouble, his ficade faded and he led 3 people to the Lord on his own. I really couldnt believe it. But I shouldnt have limited him- lesson learned.

The other thing I got to do on this trip as an MA was pour into my MAG. They all have hard backgrounds and sad stories but they trusted me enough to tell me them. I prayed for and with each of them, and we were all moved to tears. I know God did an awesmoe work in thier hearts and I am so blessed he allowed me to be his mouth peice.

One girl in my MAG shared with us about her home life. How no one at home cared about her. Her Youth Pastor hates her, and told her that the only reason she is still in the YG is because he wants her sister to be in the church. I hate this story I hate how awful 'Christians' are. But anyways, the hurt goes on and on. I could tell she was longing for someone to love her. I prayed for her and just prayed that God would show her just a glimpse of how much he loves her, that he would have died even if it was just her. She cried. It was beautiful. I told her that when people at home do REALLY hurtful things (like pass around a petetion to vote that she shouldnt be counted as a girl) to rememebr that GOD loves her, the Creator of the Universe is jealous for her attention. I also told her to first to understand where people are coming from not to make them understand her side. My MAG loved on her for about 20 mins. SHe was blessed! Thank the LORD because nothing I did or said was my idea.

Another girl shared her life story with me, even though she told me at the beginning of the week that she didnt do that, it made her cry. She tried to act like she was tough and nothing bothered her but I could see hurt in her eyes. One night we made a fort and we all got in, it was a safe place. She shared her testimony with us. I just listened because I had no idea what to say, it was heartbreaking. I gave her a word of advice, I told her she was beautiful and that she shouldnt settle for guys that are ok. she was worth the best. Later she told me that no one had ever JUST listened to her without judging her besides me. She said it meant so much to her that I let her talk and gave her advice without shuving it down her throat. I'm praying for her.

And the last girl shared her story with me and it broke my heart into 3 peices. Later that night she was crying and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing. I askde if she was lying and she said she was. So we went out in the hall and she managed to choke out "I miss my mom" I said "oh no I'm sorry!" and she said "no my REAL mom" my heart BROKE. see her mom had her when she was 13, and come in out of her life, never saying goodbye or giving a reason why she left she only came back when she wanted something. She asked "why doesnt she love me? why doesnt she care?! If she doesnt care, why do i care, why am i the one crying?" she cried, and then stopped suddenly. After a little probbing she told me her adoptde parents always comment on how they want her little brother to 'get over' thier mom. so she never thought she should or could be hurt by that. I told her that its OK! and she admitted that it hurt and her heart was in a million peices. So I just let her cry, and prayed for her. It was beautiful.

I was able to just share the simple message with these girls "you're beautiful, you're worth waiting for, don't settle. GOD LOVES YOU!"
I thank God I was able to make an impact on these girls' lives. I dont know how I did it. But I know it was God working through me. Thank the Lord.

That is what you guys are helping me do! I couldnt do it without you!!
Be home in 4 days!! see you then!

Spring!

Greetings!
Well how is everyone? Good, I hope.

Here is my life for the past few weeks, in a nut shell.

A week after the UPG (the role playing I did) I developed a feirce case of posion ivy. All over my legs and face. I went to the doctor's office and got a shot of steriods in my 'hip' and some steroids to take. A few days later the rash had turned bright red, bordering on purple and my eye had swollen shut. Yes, it was a beautiful sight indeed. I went back to the doctor Wed morning, by direct orders of my manager. She gave me antibiotics and eye drops because I had a staph infection, lovely. The next morning I went back for a check up and she said I should be fine. Then the next wed I began to itch all over my torso. That night I broke out in a rash from my neck to waist. So it was back to the doctor's office. The doctor than decided I was allergic to Sulfa- something in the antibiotic and I stopped taking it- hoping the infection didn't come back.

So I have been itchy non stop ever since. Actually my sister in law sent me some vitamins and this morning the rash was gone! I'm still a little itchy though. And my legs are a diaster. They should heal in about two months, wonderful.

This past weekend was Easter- as you know. I went to Houston to spend Easter with Bethany- a friend of my brother/sister in law. And I have to tell you it was incredibly fun. I took a Greyhound Bus- that was an adventure in and of itself.
We went to a church service where Starfield was playing, watched Twilight, hung out with her friends, went shopping, had a homemade meal, dyed Easter eggs, had an Easter egg hunt (I totally found my eggs first) and jsut hung out- it was perfect.

But the part that was the craziest to me was Saturday morning. We delievered Easter baskets to women who are victoms of human trafficing. i thought we were going to ship them off somewhere but no we hand delivered them in Houston. I had no idea something this awful was going on right here. And it was in broad daylight. Basically there are all these "spas" where women are held and then men come in and pay for a massage and other services. A lot of times women are transported between 5 or so differnt spas to be 'fresh' for the customers. They get transported in the middle of the night and many of them don't see daylight for years.

Most of the spas didnt open the doors to us but one of them did. We met Amy and Alice, two chinese women working there. They told us thier boss wasn;t there and when we tried to give them the baskets they were very confused and tried to pay us over and over. But after a few attempts of trying to pray for them they finally let us. We hugged them told them they were beautiful and left. When we were inside a man walked up to the door, saw us there and left because he was ashamed-good! oh also while we were inside we heard noises and a man's voice coming from the back-they had a customer. It was awful.

While Bethany waitde outside of a spa for about five minutes we saw two men come out of a spa. One of them looked like an average man off the street, he could have been and probably was someone's grandfather. Two men drove up and went inside while we wateched- they didn't have any shame. This was in the span of five minutes.

So needless to say that was very eye opening and heart breaking. I want to do more for these women, I just don't know what that looks like yet.


So in other news- I leave for New York City today. For work. I am excited- it is going to be stressful but a really good experiance.

My missions' trip is June 14th- I still don't have any support for it yet and the deadline is fast approaching but God is faithful I am not worried.

Thanks for your continuned prayers I know they are the only way I am making it through this. 12 weeks and I am home for vacation! :) I am very excited!!!

in an intersting turn of events...

some big changes are happening here.
if you know me at all you know I HATE change.
or at least I used to- I used to freak out but surprisngly this time I am ok.

so here is the deal. you may or may not know but I have what is called a brother core, together with my core we are a family core. when i got here it was a 12 person family core. then one brother left so we had 11, then recently (like a week ago) one of my brothers got dismissed (hense the drama that was going on- long story)

so we had a 10 person family core, which is tiny. but we were close we ate most meals together, sat in church together, sat in class together.

well last night we got some news. Our brother core is no longer our brother core. since there were so few guys the HA thought it would be best if they got adopted into another core. so they have joined another core. and thier CA will now be an assistant to thier dorm director. but here is the catch. my first brothers NEW core already had two sister cores we couldn't be a third that would be chaos- so we were brother coreless.

so we have joined another family core. we now have a new sister core and a new brother core.
so all the girls in my room are devestated. i mean its a big change- they were a close family- they've been through a LOT together. and at first i was excited because i know a few of the guys in my new brother core-

but then i realized this is not ok. this is sad. we had so many plans as a family- my sisters are hurting, my brothers are upset, my brother core CA had to step down my CA has to open up to new people. what if the new brothers dont want us? what if they dont like us?

But at wed. night service me and God hashed it out. this is good. this is HIS plan. he planned this- there is a reason. These men that he has placed in our lives are going to help us. a lot of girls need healing because of skewed versions of "good guy friends" a lot of girls need pursuers- and spiritual brothers to be the LEADERS.

these guys have big shoes to fill we LOVED our brothers- but i think if they step up to the challenge of our emotional, dramatic core- they will grow and we will grow. the sister core can learn from us too- and we from them. they don't have a very united family and ours was closer than close so we are going to bring unity to them.

so there are good things- yes i am sad- yes it is WEIRD but its good. bring it on, God I;m ready. I came here to change right?

I got this email from my FIRST (not old) brother Brandon I will share a few parts with you.

Mary: Well… You’ve been thrown a something nasty girl. You as a January are going to be an ACA to a sister core that has been literally turned upside-down. If it couldn’t have gotten worse, it just did. Mary you have been a joy to be around these past few months. I’ve loved having you as a sister and you make me smile every time I see you. Mary, God has a plan through this to grow you in ways you couldn’t begin to imagine. This is going to prepare you for something HUGE God is calling you to, for God has called you to greatness.
(ACA is the LEADER of the room and due to past events everyone in my room is going to be on probation so i have to take the baton...)

Also… if you sisters fall off the face of the earth, because this brother core’s amazing… I guess that’s awesome (because we won’t have to kill them), but I can’t loose my sisters completely. I can’t cover up the moments we’ve shared. I love you girls.

But… God has a plan… God has a plan…choose to get better…not bitter.

MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!
-Brandon.


precious right? so- here we go. I'm ready Lord.

UPG LTE

Meet Kawkway- 16 years old, pregnant, Buddist. She lives in the country of 'Back 40'. Her father is the leader of her tribe, two Buddist munks live with her but she doesn't like them because they can't talk to her or accept anything from her. She worships Buddah, fire, water, trees, stars, and is a firm beliver in reincarnation.

One day a group of strangers comes to her village. They don't look or dress like they and they can't talk to her, but they are nice and she likes them.

Her Father and Mother need Kawkway to find a husband because she is pregnant so they give her to the leader of the strangers, Skylar. Having no idea what is going on Skylar joins KayKway as they dance around the fire, and they are married, except Skylar won't bow to the fire god, none of the strangers will. They won't worship the star gods, or Buddah instead they "crucify" eachother and play music in a forgein tongue.

The next morning Kawkay and her friends take the girl strangers to get water from the water god. They take the long way so they can stop and get flowers for thier god as a gift. On the way the strangers talk about how they only have one really big god, the village girls do not understand. The girls live in fear of thier gods, if they do not worhsip them and give them gifts they will strike them down or curse their people.

The girls refuse to bow down to the water god, they say thier god will be sad if they bow down. They tell Kawkway thier god loves them, she doesn't understand her gods are angry and don't love her. The village girls fear the water god will strike down the strangers but they insist thier god is bigger and will protect them. The village girls make the strangers walk 5 steps behind them so they don't get struck by lightning when they do.

All the tribes of the "back 40" are called to a meeting. The government is there. they tell KawKway and her people about the strangers. They tell us they are liars, that they lied to come here, they said they wanted to come so they could take our culture with them, instead they have been trying to change us to all be the same. They tell us the strangers are Americans who kill thier babies and make their 16 year olds work for McDonalds.

Then they bring out two of thier soilders who had been 'saved' by the Americans. They beat them in front of the tribes, they are traitors. They kill the wife as the husband watches then beat him to death. Next the Tribal Leader of Back 40 speaks to the people. He tells us the American's 'Jesus' is a liar and only brings divison. they bring outa native girl who has been converted- she never told because she was afraid. her brother can not believe his sister would betray him and their country like that. The Government handed him a gun- he shoots his sister than turns the gun on himself.

All this information confuses KawKway. Later that day KawKway loses her baby. She assumes it is Skylar that killed her baby because he tried to bring her Jesus that poisoned her baby.

The American girls try to explain that Jesus does love her and he has a plan for her life because he loves her. The government comes by the camp- and hear the name of Jesus and take away her friends to jail. They returned later- but she doesn't know what to think of them because the Government convinced her that they were liars.

A few hours later KawKway's dad- Ratiti comes running back to camp screaming because he was blind! All the village people pray to Buddah and the fire god- but still he screams with pain. The Americans lay hands on Ratiti and pray to Jesus and he can see. KawKway's father now loves Jesus and tries to get her to believe. But the Government loves her- they gave her candy and a ride to water- they wouldn't lie to her. Jesus made her people kill each other- Jesus killed her baby.

The government hears that Ratiti has been healed, they are not happy. They make her village walk down to another village where a solider lies dead on the side of the road "YOU WANT TO SEE? SEE WHAT 'JESUS' DID!! JESUS KILLS! JESUS KILLS!" the solider screams! The village people start screaming "WHO pulled the trigger!?!? it was you! it wasn't Jesus!" Another solider pulls up. sees what happens and begins to cry "SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!" "WHY WHY! Why did she have to die? she didn't!! SHE DIDN'T!" KawKway's American friends arrive they start yelling to the solider- 'it doesn't have to be like this!! she didnt have to die, it doesn't always have to be like this!!"

---SO pretty intense right!?! Well Hi I'm KawKway- at least that is the character I played this weekend. We had the Unreached People Group LTE this weekend. I didn't think it would be so intense- it was. It was all very real. It was really hard to pretend like I didn't know Jesus and that I hated him- but at the same time I realized so many people live this way. All over the world people live in fear of their false gods- or satan- that's horrible. and the government- i mean it was heart breaking.

Sorry Sorry Let's update you.

Sorry I have neglected you all for so long.
I am very busy and starting to get a social life. Which is good, I think.

So here’s the skinny. I went to the Dallas Battle Cry last weekend. I have never been to one and since that is what I do I thought I should probably see what happens. Well I thought it went really well. It was really humbling to be able to witness such a holy moment. When hundreds of teenagers and adults went forward and accepted Christ or recommitted, it was amazing. All of all hard work I do, or the slow boring work, or getting up at 4:30 to run was all worth it.

Not to say it went off perfectly there is a lot of apathy in Dallas, well in America but you know what I mean. People were talking the whole time. But the positives were it was sold out, over sold, packed out. The hallways were a mess- it caused drama but at the same time it was really cool to see. So it was good the worship (led by Unhindered) was really good. Leeland was amazing, Jeremy Camp, Lecrae (a Christian rap artist, so good) and the Newboys, who have a new lead singer (Michael Tate from DC Talk) I’ll be honest- it was awful. But I mean, he tried?

So I got to hang out with people other than my family core and get to know the people I work with which was really nice. I learned patience- again- of course. I need more of it.

Since I’ve been back- I’ve had a lot of opportunities to go off campus lately which has been really fun. I went to Gateway Church in Dallas where Kari Jobe hails from, and then Battle Cry, and Sonic I love me some Sonic.

This week has been a really really hard week for my family core. On Sunday we found out that one of the guys in my family core’s father died. It was really hard on everyone. This kid is like the sweetest guy you will ever meet. His dad was his best friend, so not only did he lose his father but his best friend. And now has to be the male of the household to his mother and two sisters. But I hear he is doing great and the Lord has already taught him so much.

Then these past two days a lot of other drama has been going down, nothing I care to really talk about. But I would ask that you PRAY for my Family Core – that God would defend those who deserve to be defended and justice would be served. I know it sounds serious, and it kind of is. I had a breakdown yesterday But don’t worry I am fine- I will be fine. But my sisters are hurting and I am trying to be here for them. The Lord has given me peace and I know this will work out according to his plan and I have surrendered it to him and will walk by faith.

These next couple of weekends are going to be busy but I will try and keep people updated.

Also- I am going to NY in June on a mission’s trip- if you feel led to donate to help me go on this trip and help spread God’s hope and love to the hurting people of NY- let me know. But pray I get the funding. God has the money- so I don’t need to worry.
Thank you so much for praying for me and for caring enough to read this.
Until next time--

crazy

so i can not believe that it has been so long since i last updated. but maybe that is a good thing, maybe that means that time is going by faster and not painfully slow. but maybe not.

so lets give you all the low down.

Over Valentine's Day weekend we had a fasting LTE (Life Transforming Event). we stopped eating Wednesday night and started eating again Sunday morning. (over 80 hours of no food, and i LOVE food) Thursday night we took a vow of silence. yeah- it was intense. I have never felt so small or fragile in my life. I think it hit me just how much i depend on God. Saturday morning I really thought I was going to die, but I made it. God is good! I learned a lot that weekend, a lot about what I am called to do with my life. I do not know everything and I do not even know if the things God told me are going to happen. it does not matter to me because I trust the Lord. He knows the future and He will reveal it to me when I am ready.

Which I think is key. because think about your life now, when you were 20 and God told you "you are going to marry this person, have this many kids, live here have this career, etc etc" you would probably freak out right? right. So i am just along for the ride. a friend of mine wrote this song 'moment' and one of the lines has really applied to my life lately. I will share it with you "and as you carry me, i'll go, where you lead" I love it, God is carrying me because he LOVES me. I love saying that. He LOVES ME. :) anyways he is carrying me and he is going to take me where he wants me to be and I am just along for the ride. it is so much better than worrying and trying to figure out the future. (PS that song is by Mark White Band on their new CD 'Now & Forever' in stores and on iTunes- GO GET IT!!!!)

I really need to journal more because I can not remember everything I have been learning. I have had break through after break through though. I have also been really tripped out by conversations i have had with certain people and certain songs i have heard, or verses i have read. the other night i had a total freak out and I talked to a friend of mine during my breakdown and (side note- i LOVE my friends Jesus has really blessed me with amazing friends they listen to me ramble and freak out anyways) i just started rambling about why i was freaking out he just reminded me of things that i knew and that i should not take what he says or what anyone says i need to find it our for myself. which is what i want. I want my relationship with Jesus to grow deeper and deeper so that when I go home I will not be shaken. Jesus has consumed my life and I will not lie to you for one second- I love it.

It is scary too because I have just a little bitty mind and I don't always get it and it makes me anxious. then i remember 1 John 4:28 "perfect love casts out fear!" THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE. Satan- has already been defeated he has no hold over me. he is relentless though and loves to fill my head with lies and doubts. well no more satan- no more i say!

oh here is my newest passion. It used to be my passion but i left myself get numb and let my standards go a little bit. well i am back. ready for it? drum roll....PURITY!!! oh my goodness I forgot how much my purity means to me. I was ashamed of the fact that I have yet to receive my first kiss. yup, that is right. I am 20 years old and I have never kissed a boy. I am proud. Oh wait that is not to say I think kissing is wrong- because I don't. I just have been in a situation where the person was worth giving it to. When Jesus brings me the right guy- i will kiss him. My purity and innocence mean so much to me. I can not believe that for one second I thought I was putting too much pressure and importance on it. false. I take it very seriously. VIRGINITY ROCKS MAN!!!

I also had a 'wisdom lunch' with Katie Luce- which for those of you who don't know is Ron Luce's (the president and founder of Teen Mania) wife. so it was pretty baller if i do say so myself! and i found a mentor! long story, for another time.

I got accepted to go to NEW YORK on a missions trip!!! I AM SO PUMPED!!!! I am writing support letters and trusting the $1,688 will come in! be praying for that.

I miss city lights.

Carrolton, Texas.
its a place, look it up.

that is where I am currently. I am staying with my roommate Amy and her family.
Amy's family works for Gospel for Asia. which apparently is huge and world-wide.
missed the memo on THAT one. anyways last night we went to an all night prayer
meeting. well...we stayed 'till 12:30.

anyways here's what has been goin' on the HA.
things are getting better, and busier. which is good. i am so much happier- joyful- than when I first got here. I still would give up the 70 degree weather to go home. but I know this is where God wants me to be.

I am learning a lot about myself and God. I am falling head over heals for Him. I'm starting to get a better idea of what God wants me to do with my life. but I don't know for sure what I am going to do next year.

there is always the option of staying here a second year. I would not enjoy it but I have to be open to it.
I LOVE being home but at the same time- what am I going to do there? ya know?
I want to have a clear purpose next year. I am praying about it- the idea that is starting to come is a little far fetched.
SO if you want me home next year, pray that God opens up doors and shows me something to do there.

Also- I am applying for my mission trip next week. I'm thinkin' NY or Australia.
Australia is $4000 but people keep telling me that Jesus will provide.
but NY is more along the lines of what I want I feel my passion is.

Which in case you were wondering...is this country. If you havn't noticed it is broken, hurting, and without hope.
Teen Mania is all about reaching this generation and raising up missionaries to go into all world.
which I think is super important but in the back of my head I think "what about the people here?!"
the people who were raised in church but have no idea what it means to have a relationship with Jesus.
what about all the people out there who don't get how much He loves us. who is going to tell them they are beautiful? who is going to tell them that no matter what they do Jesus will always always love them? who is going to show them that they can live a live living for God that is full of joy and love? WHO? and then I say "send me! let me show them"

the missionary videoes are all really touching but the stories that make me tear up are the ones about the teenagers who cry out to God and commit to help their generation. I want to bless the people here who ARE going out. I want people to see the importance of striving for excellence. I want to be behind the scenes, I want to help equip people to go out and spread the word and to just love people. I can't put into words everything that has been on my heart lately. but that's the basic idea.


I am not sure if Teen Mania is where I am supposed to be forever, I don't think it is. I think I want to take what they are doing and do this at home. But I have NO clue what that even means.

that is all for now. thank you so much for praying God has been blessing me so much lately- I don't think I deserve it. I have not had the best attitude at all.

please keep praying though it is not easy here.

a day in the life!

To all of your who faithfully support me in prayer and finacially:
I just wanted to show you a day in the life of an Honor Academy intern:

I got the Joy.

Sometimes it almost creeps me out how quickly God answers prayers around here. But creeped out isn’t the right word, it amazes me. Here are a few examples: yesterday I was just having the worst day. Everything was getting to me and I just wanted to have a friend come hug me and let me cry. So many were on my heart and I just felt so alone because no one here really understands me. I mean Jesus does and Jesus is here. But anyways! I was writing in my journal about how sad I was and how my heart felt like it was breaking for this generation. And I just wanted to be hugged and then I had to go to Wed night service. Well God has placed it on Mr. Hasz’s heart to encourage the interns. I mean it was a breathe of fresh air. He just told us how God is smiling at because he are living a life pleasing to Him. We threw off everything that slows us down and are running after God. Then we sang “the enemy’s been defeated. Death couldn’t hold you down, gunna life our voice in victory gunna make your praises loud. Shout unto God with a voice of triumph, Shout onto God with a voice of praise” and it just hit me. The Joy of the Lord. We serve an awesome God. Truly nothing is above him. And yet he cares enough about each one of us to know every detail of our lives. I mean these are simple truths but it hit me. I had a break trough. Not even death, hell, and the grave could keep him. And he loves ME! Anyways now I am babbling, but I am so blessed. I have so much joy knowing Jesus. I could really go on and on and on. But I won’t.

Also this morning in 360 (women’s bible study basically) I wrote down on my notebook “I want to learn to pray for others, make me a prayer warrior” well then this morning I got an email called “Prayer Warriors” I mean just crazy things like that happen all the time here. Now I still can not wait to go home but I am so excited that I am here and I am learning about God and He is changing me and filling me with His love and joy. And I just can not wait to pour it out again. I have a long long way to go though.


Anyways thank you guys for praying for me, God is hearing you!! Keep praying and pray for my friend Chase is in serious financial trouble, he might get sent home b/c of money issues. I know God wants him here please just pray that God will give him the money.

Hug?

What I would do to hug someone from home right now.

Good Morning

Good Morning everyone
it is Tuesday the 27th. I have not been on here in a little while because I just have not had the time or the energy. this past weekend was the mountain LTE (Life Transforming Event). It was quite the experiance. we spent over half the time on the bus. because first our bus was bucking like a bronco than it just shut off. so we had to wait for 2 hours for another bus to come. then we drove until 2 the next day to the other side of the state. had camp, went hiking, had a worship service under the stars. which would have been way cooler had i known the songs. then bed at 9 and up at 4.
we hiked all day. to the highest point in Texas. it was really pretty. then we walked half way down and up again to the South Rim.oh my goodness it was gorgeous. just mountains as far as the eye could see. it was intense. someone was playing worship music and it just kind of hit me how BIG God is. the Mountains melt like wax before the Lord. My savior he can MOVE THE MOUNTAINS. that is amazing.

then we got back in the bus for a wonderful 12 hours. mind you this bus doesn't have heat and none of us had showered in 2 days. lovely. or miserable.

I have just been workin' and goin' to classes since. Tuesday is chapel day. I am actually really excited about worship today. so hopefully it won't dissapoint. that's all for now. I should probably find something remotely work related to do. I have lots more to say though.
be excited.

SATURDAY

this place has ruined me!

I slept in this morning until 9!

9?? That is not cool at all.

however I did wake up AFTER the sun. nice. 

this morning a kid from my brother core went home

all the girls in my core are really upset.

i feel bad. I dont know what to do.

I am really tired. and I got hit with a fresh 

wave of homesickness. I wish I was at the CRASH

retreat. I wish I was not getting a cold. I am glad it is 58 today

and going to be 66 by Friday.

so the cool thing to do around here is go to 24 hour prayer services. 

no seriously. everyone does it. 

i went to one last night. we got lost and i help navigate us there.

i promise. SHAUN- I'm serious! I GOT US UNLOST! 

anyways we were only there for 25 mins 'cause it was so late.

and the worshop band when we got there was awful

i think i have a pride issue. worship is worship right?

I want to go home!!!! nothing here feels like home. nothing here is comforting.

HELLO!

Hey so it is wed.

and I was having a really good day. my quiet time was productive. even though i was for sure late and will be written up about it. but i read phil chapter 1 and it was exactly what i was feeling for the people back home. so read it, and its my letter to you. particularly the part about suffering.

no corporate today, tomorrow or friday due to the cold. THANK YOU GOD.

seriously if I didn't believe in the power of prayer before- I do now.

haha. 

I started to actually like my job a little today even though it is overwhelming. there is a lot to learn and the fact that kids 17-24ish are doing the majority of the work that runs/puts on aquire the fire, battle cry and the honor academy theres some pressure there.

yeah if you didn't know- which i didn't teenagers basically run the show. which is really cool. so when we say we are working to reach this generation, we really are. i won't lie i love it.

so i like my job because it is making a difference i like my quiet time, i like chapel, and i might even like class. end likes. i hate everything else. if i had my way i would go home. but i can't God chose so I am here. 

I have that high school fear of having no one to sit with in the cafeteria, everyday, for every meal. its no good.

but i read this (sorry this is all over the board) quote on a brochure and i liked it.

something like this 

"the world can't change me but I want to change the world"

i am tired and don't feel like writing anymore but I have more fun quotes like that

until next time.

greetings.

I got my ministry placement today. I work in development- where I wanted to be. which is good i am quite happy. basically what we do is correspond with donors/ potential donors/ potential speakers. Its pretty confidential and boss. I love it. well my first day was nice.

I am getting overwhelmed. classes start for me on wed. so all of this and then classes and homework. but i have to trust that God knows what He is doing. He didn't just lead me here and then forgot about me. I know He is here, I can feel Him. 

I just found out there is basically no chance of me coming for ATF due to budget cuts. but God can do miracles so keep praying about that. and pray about my funding issue. because there is a huge amount of money i still need to get and I just do not know where it is going to come from. I need diligence to actually look for more people to donate money. I just don't know who else to ask. 

I want to go home so badly- I always get so much happier hearing from people from home. Yes- Mom & Dad even you guys. You guys keep me motivated and remind that I am here for a reason. I have to remember its only a year. and I have so much to learn in this year. so in some ways its not long enough. no- a year is plenty. 

I also found out some fun things about the Honor Academy- 

1) they turn off the hot water from 12-4:30 here. yeahhh learned that the hard way.

2) we are going to start getting up at 4:30 AM instead of 5.

why exactly? your guess is as good as mine. 

I got to talk to Abby today and she was telling me how I need to make friends here. that they will teach me more about God than I can learn on my own. I hate to admit but I think she is right. I don't want to make friends here I don't have enough energy to do that. But I don't have a choice. My heart is at home with all the people that love me and are supporting me I don't think I can ever be fully happy here. Even though I feel closer to God here without the distractions I still feel called to be at home. Not called home like dying. hahaha.

please pray that this year flys by. 

that is all for now. it's almost time for bed. no-seriously

"SHUT UP!!!!"

Hey guys!

So it has for sure been an interesting couple of days. We got our permanent cores. And I had to leave my beloved core and move down the hall. I am still in the same hall which is good but I think this new room is going to be a challenge. We are for sure a motley crew. I could tell how I really feel about every person but I will just say that they are all…different. Different from me and each other. There is a girl from Owasso, MI so that is exciting. Also, we have a brother core together we are a family. The leader of the guy’s core is from DEARBORN. Actually Priscilla Vos wanted me to find him because she knows him. So it is kind of cool. I am trying to not judge people and see them how God sees them. It is going to be a challenge but I think I am up for it. My patience and self control is being tested because these new people are always around me. Currently actually, and reading over my shoulder. Oops. Meh. Ohhh  and we have an ice chewer, wonderful.

 

 

Ok so I read this verse today  Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

 

I think this year is going to transform me. It may actually have already started. It is actually really cool because almost everything that I read is something I have heard over and over again. Except this time I am trying to read it with an open mind and heart. Everything I read is exactly what I need to hear at the time and it actually speaks volumes to me. I am falling in love with the Bible which is boss. I have always wanted to but once I removed all the distractions or whatever the reason is it is actually happening(thats kinda renewing my mind, right?). [I really am trying not to punch people in the face right now, ahhhh these random facts are thrilling really, I care so deeply about what you are saying to me about laptops, hotdogs, chemicals, word format…]

 

I feel like I have learned enough mission accomplished. Can I come home now?

WHAT NOW?

so this whole week the only thing that has kept me going was I was under the impression that 5 AM corporate was for this week only. well I just found out that it is everyday for the next 4 weeks!! WHAT! That is just straight luda crisy. but I will be a straight up power house. 

ok so here is the deal. Today God kicked my butt. last night Mr. Hasz gave us a TWO HOUR long speech about the rules. not rules but like expectations. that is not the right word either. anyways he talked on and on about how we are to be LEADERS and STATESMEN. like representatives of Christ. he told us the words we are not allowed to say, and lets just be honest I was not pleased. I was annoyed. He demands that we call everyone above us Mr. and Miss. or Mrs. anything short of that is not respectful or appropriate. I always feel like he is putting down anything that is not the Honor Academy and that the church is becoming lazy some of the stuff he says is fine and dandy but he offends me on a daily basis to be honest. 

but this morning during my quiet time I opened my journal that my dearest friend Abby gave me. the journal has a verse on the bottom of every page and I just read the chapter of the verse. anyways God totally kicked my butt. 

Ephesians 5:3-4

But amoung you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Not should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are put of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Ouch right? I told myself I wanted to make my faith my own and that unless God himself said it then I wouldn't really care. But read that. must of the things that we think are ok to talk about, aren't "That's what she said" that is not appropriate. I won't lie it kills me to have to come to this but it is true. We are representatives of Christ. We claim to be Christians and yet filth spews forth from our mouths? not cool. Impurity- I will just be honest and say I have not done a whole lot of anything in that realm but still. It flat out says not to why do we think its ok? why do we think that because we are Christians we can say and do whatever we want? we can't. 

Yeah it stinks but God is choosing us to be leaders- He does not have to but He chose to! He get to be part of something that has eternal value that is unfathomably cool. 

I think the way I talk (esp around boys) is completely not ok. As I get older I want to be treated like a lady- I should act like one. Joking about sex is funny and easy but I want to start demanding respect out of my brothers in Christ. I don't get offended at all about that sort of thing and I probably won't but God says it is improper and I agree. 

So all that to say I think it will be easy to change my tone around here in this bubble but at home it will be harder. I am actually really convicted about this- which is weird because less than 24 hours ago I wanted to punch someone in the face for basically telling I wasn't a lady.

Ok I miss you guys and I just wanted to tell you about one of the many things God is working on in me already. I also want to challenge you guys to think about that verse. because it is pretty clear in its meaning. but I would love some feedback.

OK I LOVE YOU! I MISS YOU

Tuesday.

hey party people. I miss you all. I talked to Shaun today, I don't know if he could tell but I was crying the whole time :( then I called my mom and I was holding back tears. I WANT TO GO HOME! But I want to be here.

So this is the thing that has been not only physically draining but emotionally as well. have you ever been convicted by God or met with God so intimately it tired you out? well that has been my life for the past two days and on top of the early mornings I am pooped. But it is good. God is opening my eyes to things in my life I need to get rid of before I can become a leader. 

Though- some of the things people here believe in- I am  NOT strongly convicted in. That might change or after I study the Word about it, I might not. I want my faith to be completely personal. 

ok so I may have told you that the worship here is lacking. they sing the same 4 songs everytime. I miss my home worship so much. but yesterday in one of my 5 sessions (holla) someone was saying how worship is part of spiritual warfare. I never thought about that before.  Satan hates worship because, for the most past, worship songs as based on the Bible and when we speak them out we are declaring truth. I LOVE THAT. I'm not a fan of satan I love that he is constantly reminded of his future, while I am reminded of mine. Its powerful. But I also was realizing why the attack on a lot of worship leaders is so strong. 

I also realize that even though I do not like the style of the music I like the message those five songs have. so I am trying to really mean what I sing in worship ignoring the fact that I think it sounds putrid. I listened to Hillsong's 'This is Our God' on my iPod last night, I had a better worship experiance doing that then in the worship I have twice a day. So I will corporately declare God's truth in chapel but my music will always feel like home.

that is all for now. LOVE YOU!!!

Monday? seriously?

hey guys!

i am really pressed for time but I just wanted to let you know that your prayers are really workin!

I am so tired all the time but somehow I make it through the day! I am homesick for sure but I know that I am going to be able to minister so much better when I get home. Andrew asked if I wanted to be on CRASH staff when I get back, I was so honored! I can't wait to get back and pour everything I have into that ministry. That really is where my heart is and it is really hard fo rme to be away! but for now I am running and running hard after God. 

I am already learning so much, not just the rules but God is stirring my heart. I constantly need to stop myself from crying, I don't like when people see me cry at all. 

But I have asked God to do some dangerous things in me this year, things that will be hard. and painful. but I am ready. this is what I want. we talked in Core group about how frustrating it is to want to want God but we don't. But my CA (Core Advisor) was telling us how it is ALL God. WE  just have to Ask him to. He does all the work. its so amazing. I feel like I have a new revelation every hour. I have been journaling so much. I have so much to say

but I need to eat

ok I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! I MISS YOU!!! I AM PRAYING FOR YOU

Please keep praying for me, esp this week.

Monday? seriously?

Greetings from Arkansas.

Seriously? Arkansas? it sounds so hick. I know people argue I live in Hickville already.

anyways it has only been one day and I am already homesick. I would not have even seen anyone most likely today anyway but still. The fact that it will be 348 days 'till I see everyone again is sad. really sad.

But I just have to take comfort in the fact that I know that this is 100% what God wants me to do. I chose this, to get away from all the distractions and seek God's face. I just never imagined it being nearly this hard. Not even close. But that is ok because I think that means that the enemy does not want me there so he is making me 2nd guess this. And other than the fact that I am going to miss everyone I am really excited about this. 

I am excited to "go, live the life, give it all for JESUS CHRIST" I am just leaving one ministry for another. I am ok with it, change and I never got along but I will just have to accept it. grow from it. I refuse to make new friends though. I like mine too much.