that's fine.

No matter how awesome I think my plans are, they never seem to work out. That must mean that my life is going to be awesome because God has big plans for me. They must be pretty awesome.
My heart beats and breaks for things, for people.

unwed mothers, inner beauty, unseen heroes, grace, things that matter, babies, love, friends, pure love, marriage, family, wrinkles, weddings, laughter, traveling, rolling hillside, exploring, climbing, wandering, music, sunshine, open fields, no regrets, chubby baby hands, insecure girls trying to fit in, tall buildings, downtown, coffee.

THERE IS LOVE, THERE IS GRACE, THERE IS FREEDOM, THERE IS JESUS.

I want to live a life full of those things.


I have so many options in front of me. It makes me really excited about life. Being the now is really hard. Everyone says to live in the now. But I'm antsy.

My soul soars when I think about all of the possibilities in front of me. none of them involve Texas.

Lacey/unwed mommies- Cadillac, Michigan.
Study Abroad - Dublin, Ireland.
Hospitality Management - Macomb, Michigan.
Business Management - Rochester, Michigan.
Anywhere in California.
Chicago.

anything that isn't here.

I don't think I am going back to school this semester. I am going to be bored out of my little mind. I am not sure what God is going to be teaching me in this next season of my life. Something, though. I am ready for it, bring it on. :]

The Lord is faithful, He is abounding in love and grace. His fingerprints are everywhere.

$tress.

I have never been more stressed about money in my life.
My dad gave me some money on my debit card to fix my car. and somehow all of is gone. and my car is not fixed.

I even overdrafted, that is how much I spent. I did not think I was that bad with money. I have even been watching my account balance. I hate money.

I think life would so much easier if I had an income. That is just my personal opinion.
I would love to pack up everything I own and move home. It would be so easy. I could get a job and be near my family, and my friends.

Lately I have been missing 2008. The whole year, 2008. I was not happy with my life that year but now I would love to go back. Things seemed simpler back then. I don't think they were, I guess hind sight is always 20/20. But I had a good life back then. Now that I am really thinking about it, I don't know if I would like to go back. Wow, bipolar. Sorry.

oops

well my sugar fast lasted all of about 2 days after posted.

oh well, it's summer.

CANDY.

Today is only day 2 of my 125 break from sugar. I don't know if I will survive. I will.

Had to go to the hospital last night with my sister. She had some pretty intense back pain and we needed to get it checked out. Everything is fine, I don't think we have told my mom yet. :)

Take me away...

My mother is in Europe right now. I am insanely jealous. I have never been across the ocean. I have been to the Caribbean, but not to Europe. Let's go, right now. Pack up our stuff and head overseas. If I had any sort of monetary income, I would be on the next flight. However, when reality sets in I realize I pay to work and I have no money to speak of.

As I mentioned before Summer is fast approaching here which means August graduation is coming up very quickly. A good portion of my friends are going to be graduating and leaving. This reality is heartbreaking. When this happened to me last year I was nothing short of broken hearted. Everyone is going on with their lives and I am so excited for them, however, if time could just stop for a little bit, I would be ok with that.

I wish we all won the lottery and could go away, on vacation. A getaway, a refresher, something, to recharge our batteries for the next 81 days until graduation. I have decided that sometimes, an escape is good. An escape to get away from all of the stresses of life and just be. With friends, alone, with a significant other, with family, anything. Just let me get away. Just enjoy life as it comes, and forget for a moment that life is hard. To remember that life is good because God is good. Things down here and go, go go all the time, I find it helpful to pull away and refocus my life. Focus on the good things, like sunshine, and little German cities, and beaches, and the smell of suntan lotion. Ahhhh the little things.

I used to get annoyed with people would turn any inanimate object into a "god thing". But I think sometimes it is good too see that God blesses us a thousand times a day. He loves us, and is desperate for our attention so he will send us little gifts just to remind us. But when we get so busy that we miss them, we start to forget they are there. And I have been finding that in turn i forget God is there, with me, every step of the way. I soon try to do everything in my own strength...and it goes downhill from there.

I need to get away - but right now - I cannot.

Summer!

wow, it has been almost a year since my last post, oops. Sorry.

well It is almost summer here. Well I am done with exams, and it is in the 80s everyday but we have not switched to Summer Schedule. June 1st is the start of it all. When Teen Mania goes crazy and our campus is filled with 89043890483908534 people and it gets insanely hot. I am looking quite forward to it, actually.

I'm Back!

Oh my faithful followers! I have neglected you for so long! I am so sorry!

So much has happened but this is mainly to talk about my mission's trip!

I just came back from a two week mission trip to Dallas, TX. I planned on going to New York but the funding did not come in, so I went to Dallas.
At the beginning of this trip I really did not want to go. I just wanted to get it over with so i could go home (in 4 days!!) But as the trip got closer I really wanted to be able to make a difference. Now with Global Expeditions there is a leadership scale. We have Project Directors (PD) who head up the whole trip (Mom, Dad this is what Liz does) they make sure we have food a place to sleep etc etc) Then under them are Team Leaders (TL) under them are Missionary Advisors (MA) under them are the missionaries. Got it? I know its confusing, but stay with me!

OK so in order to be a TL you have to be 21 and in order to be an MA you have to be 18. on my trip there were about 22 people over the age of 18. They were called Missionary Advisor Candidates. (MAC) We met two days before the trip started for MA training, on my second morning there I received word that Katelyn had passed away. I really didn't think I was going to be able to go on the trip, but God pulled through, of course, and i made it.

I didnt think I was going to be chosen to be an MA on the trip because of my current emotional state- but I was!!!
I was really excited and really nervous at the same time. I met my MAG (Missionary Advisor Group) which had 4 girls in it.
This is a really long story but I will try and make it short.
the first time with them was very awkward, but within 10 mins we were discussing our home lives and the sad state of thier schools and how they managed to come out alright so far. We continued on the week with missionary training- including learning attention getting dramas and VBS cirruiculum. Tuesday night we left for Dallas, which turned out to be Arlington, meh that's ok.

We worked with Mission Arlington and did VBS at apartment comlpexs in the area.
Wed-Sat we did VBS and door to door ministry, Sunday we did a church service and Monday was our final day of VBS. Tuesday was a service project, Wed we went to Six Flags Thursday was debreifing and Friday was Travel Day.

Throughout the week I learned a lot about ministry in this country. If you remember that is what my heart really is. reaching this lost country. I was able to get training and really reach out and do my best to make a difference. We saw Children's lives get changed and hearts get stirred with a love for the Lord. It was really amazing. I also got to see the 13-17 year olds really walk out in boldness and faith and tell other people about the Lord. Some people were so on fire they could not stop talking to everyone they met about the Lord. Even this one kid who I thought was going to be trouble, his ficade faded and he led 3 people to the Lord on his own. I really couldnt believe it. But I shouldnt have limited him- lesson learned.

The other thing I got to do on this trip as an MA was pour into my MAG. They all have hard backgrounds and sad stories but they trusted me enough to tell me them. I prayed for and with each of them, and we were all moved to tears. I know God did an awesmoe work in thier hearts and I am so blessed he allowed me to be his mouth peice.

One girl in my MAG shared with us about her home life. How no one at home cared about her. Her Youth Pastor hates her, and told her that the only reason she is still in the YG is because he wants her sister to be in the church. I hate this story I hate how awful 'Christians' are. But anyways, the hurt goes on and on. I could tell she was longing for someone to love her. I prayed for her and just prayed that God would show her just a glimpse of how much he loves her, that he would have died even if it was just her. She cried. It was beautiful. I told her that when people at home do REALLY hurtful things (like pass around a petetion to vote that she shouldnt be counted as a girl) to rememebr that GOD loves her, the Creator of the Universe is jealous for her attention. I also told her to first to understand where people are coming from not to make them understand her side. My MAG loved on her for about 20 mins. SHe was blessed! Thank the LORD because nothing I did or said was my idea.

Another girl shared her life story with me, even though she told me at the beginning of the week that she didnt do that, it made her cry. She tried to act like she was tough and nothing bothered her but I could see hurt in her eyes. One night we made a fort and we all got in, it was a safe place. She shared her testimony with us. I just listened because I had no idea what to say, it was heartbreaking. I gave her a word of advice, I told her she was beautiful and that she shouldnt settle for guys that are ok. she was worth the best. Later she told me that no one had ever JUST listened to her without judging her besides me. She said it meant so much to her that I let her talk and gave her advice without shuving it down her throat. I'm praying for her.

And the last girl shared her story with me and it broke my heart into 3 peices. Later that night she was crying and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing. I askde if she was lying and she said she was. So we went out in the hall and she managed to choke out "I miss my mom" I said "oh no I'm sorry!" and she said "no my REAL mom" my heart BROKE. see her mom had her when she was 13, and come in out of her life, never saying goodbye or giving a reason why she left she only came back when she wanted something. She asked "why doesnt she love me? why doesnt she care?! If she doesnt care, why do i care, why am i the one crying?" she cried, and then stopped suddenly. After a little probbing she told me her adoptde parents always comment on how they want her little brother to 'get over' thier mom. so she never thought she should or could be hurt by that. I told her that its OK! and she admitted that it hurt and her heart was in a million peices. So I just let her cry, and prayed for her. It was beautiful.

I was able to just share the simple message with these girls "you're beautiful, you're worth waiting for, don't settle. GOD LOVES YOU!"
I thank God I was able to make an impact on these girls' lives. I dont know how I did it. But I know it was God working through me. Thank the Lord.

That is what you guys are helping me do! I couldnt do it without you!!
Be home in 4 days!! see you then!