Take me away...

My mother is in Europe right now. I am insanely jealous. I have never been across the ocean. I have been to the Caribbean, but not to Europe. Let's go, right now. Pack up our stuff and head overseas. If I had any sort of monetary income, I would be on the next flight. However, when reality sets in I realize I pay to work and I have no money to speak of.

As I mentioned before Summer is fast approaching here which means August graduation is coming up very quickly. A good portion of my friends are going to be graduating and leaving. This reality is heartbreaking. When this happened to me last year I was nothing short of broken hearted. Everyone is going on with their lives and I am so excited for them, however, if time could just stop for a little bit, I would be ok with that.

I wish we all won the lottery and could go away, on vacation. A getaway, a refresher, something, to recharge our batteries for the next 81 days until graduation. I have decided that sometimes, an escape is good. An escape to get away from all of the stresses of life and just be. With friends, alone, with a significant other, with family, anything. Just let me get away. Just enjoy life as it comes, and forget for a moment that life is hard. To remember that life is good because God is good. Things down here and go, go go all the time, I find it helpful to pull away and refocus my life. Focus on the good things, like sunshine, and little German cities, and beaches, and the smell of suntan lotion. Ahhhh the little things.

I used to get annoyed with people would turn any inanimate object into a "god thing". But I think sometimes it is good too see that God blesses us a thousand times a day. He loves us, and is desperate for our attention so he will send us little gifts just to remind us. But when we get so busy that we miss them, we start to forget they are there. And I have been finding that in turn i forget God is there, with me, every step of the way. I soon try to do everything in my own strength...and it goes downhill from there.

I need to get away - but right now - I cannot.

Summer!

wow, it has been almost a year since my last post, oops. Sorry.

well It is almost summer here. Well I am done with exams, and it is in the 80s everyday but we have not switched to Summer Schedule. June 1st is the start of it all. When Teen Mania goes crazy and our campus is filled with 89043890483908534 people and it gets insanely hot. I am looking quite forward to it, actually.

I'm Back!

Oh my faithful followers! I have neglected you for so long! I am so sorry!

So much has happened but this is mainly to talk about my mission's trip!

I just came back from a two week mission trip to Dallas, TX. I planned on going to New York but the funding did not come in, so I went to Dallas.
At the beginning of this trip I really did not want to go. I just wanted to get it over with so i could go home (in 4 days!!) But as the trip got closer I really wanted to be able to make a difference. Now with Global Expeditions there is a leadership scale. We have Project Directors (PD) who head up the whole trip (Mom, Dad this is what Liz does) they make sure we have food a place to sleep etc etc) Then under them are Team Leaders (TL) under them are Missionary Advisors (MA) under them are the missionaries. Got it? I know its confusing, but stay with me!

OK so in order to be a TL you have to be 21 and in order to be an MA you have to be 18. on my trip there were about 22 people over the age of 18. They were called Missionary Advisor Candidates. (MAC) We met two days before the trip started for MA training, on my second morning there I received word that Katelyn had passed away. I really didn't think I was going to be able to go on the trip, but God pulled through, of course, and i made it.

I didnt think I was going to be chosen to be an MA on the trip because of my current emotional state- but I was!!!
I was really excited and really nervous at the same time. I met my MAG (Missionary Advisor Group) which had 4 girls in it.
This is a really long story but I will try and make it short.
the first time with them was very awkward, but within 10 mins we were discussing our home lives and the sad state of thier schools and how they managed to come out alright so far. We continued on the week with missionary training- including learning attention getting dramas and VBS cirruiculum. Tuesday night we left for Dallas, which turned out to be Arlington, meh that's ok.

We worked with Mission Arlington and did VBS at apartment comlpexs in the area.
Wed-Sat we did VBS and door to door ministry, Sunday we did a church service and Monday was our final day of VBS. Tuesday was a service project, Wed we went to Six Flags Thursday was debreifing and Friday was Travel Day.

Throughout the week I learned a lot about ministry in this country. If you remember that is what my heart really is. reaching this lost country. I was able to get training and really reach out and do my best to make a difference. We saw Children's lives get changed and hearts get stirred with a love for the Lord. It was really amazing. I also got to see the 13-17 year olds really walk out in boldness and faith and tell other people about the Lord. Some people were so on fire they could not stop talking to everyone they met about the Lord. Even this one kid who I thought was going to be trouble, his ficade faded and he led 3 people to the Lord on his own. I really couldnt believe it. But I shouldnt have limited him- lesson learned.

The other thing I got to do on this trip as an MA was pour into my MAG. They all have hard backgrounds and sad stories but they trusted me enough to tell me them. I prayed for and with each of them, and we were all moved to tears. I know God did an awesmoe work in thier hearts and I am so blessed he allowed me to be his mouth peice.

One girl in my MAG shared with us about her home life. How no one at home cared about her. Her Youth Pastor hates her, and told her that the only reason she is still in the YG is because he wants her sister to be in the church. I hate this story I hate how awful 'Christians' are. But anyways, the hurt goes on and on. I could tell she was longing for someone to love her. I prayed for her and just prayed that God would show her just a glimpse of how much he loves her, that he would have died even if it was just her. She cried. It was beautiful. I told her that when people at home do REALLY hurtful things (like pass around a petetion to vote that she shouldnt be counted as a girl) to rememebr that GOD loves her, the Creator of the Universe is jealous for her attention. I also told her to first to understand where people are coming from not to make them understand her side. My MAG loved on her for about 20 mins. SHe was blessed! Thank the LORD because nothing I did or said was my idea.

Another girl shared her life story with me, even though she told me at the beginning of the week that she didnt do that, it made her cry. She tried to act like she was tough and nothing bothered her but I could see hurt in her eyes. One night we made a fort and we all got in, it was a safe place. She shared her testimony with us. I just listened because I had no idea what to say, it was heartbreaking. I gave her a word of advice, I told her she was beautiful and that she shouldnt settle for guys that are ok. she was worth the best. Later she told me that no one had ever JUST listened to her without judging her besides me. She said it meant so much to her that I let her talk and gave her advice without shuving it down her throat. I'm praying for her.

And the last girl shared her story with me and it broke my heart into 3 peices. Later that night she was crying and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing. I askde if she was lying and she said she was. So we went out in the hall and she managed to choke out "I miss my mom" I said "oh no I'm sorry!" and she said "no my REAL mom" my heart BROKE. see her mom had her when she was 13, and come in out of her life, never saying goodbye or giving a reason why she left she only came back when she wanted something. She asked "why doesnt she love me? why doesnt she care?! If she doesnt care, why do i care, why am i the one crying?" she cried, and then stopped suddenly. After a little probbing she told me her adoptde parents always comment on how they want her little brother to 'get over' thier mom. so she never thought she should or could be hurt by that. I told her that its OK! and she admitted that it hurt and her heart was in a million peices. So I just let her cry, and prayed for her. It was beautiful.

I was able to just share the simple message with these girls "you're beautiful, you're worth waiting for, don't settle. GOD LOVES YOU!"
I thank God I was able to make an impact on these girls' lives. I dont know how I did it. But I know it was God working through me. Thank the Lord.

That is what you guys are helping me do! I couldnt do it without you!!
Be home in 4 days!! see you then!

Spring!

Greetings!
Well how is everyone? Good, I hope.

Here is my life for the past few weeks, in a nut shell.

A week after the UPG (the role playing I did) I developed a feirce case of posion ivy. All over my legs and face. I went to the doctor's office and got a shot of steriods in my 'hip' and some steroids to take. A few days later the rash had turned bright red, bordering on purple and my eye had swollen shut. Yes, it was a beautiful sight indeed. I went back to the doctor Wed morning, by direct orders of my manager. She gave me antibiotics and eye drops because I had a staph infection, lovely. The next morning I went back for a check up and she said I should be fine. Then the next wed I began to itch all over my torso. That night I broke out in a rash from my neck to waist. So it was back to the doctor's office. The doctor than decided I was allergic to Sulfa- something in the antibiotic and I stopped taking it- hoping the infection didn't come back.

So I have been itchy non stop ever since. Actually my sister in law sent me some vitamins and this morning the rash was gone! I'm still a little itchy though. And my legs are a diaster. They should heal in about two months, wonderful.

This past weekend was Easter- as you know. I went to Houston to spend Easter with Bethany- a friend of my brother/sister in law. And I have to tell you it was incredibly fun. I took a Greyhound Bus- that was an adventure in and of itself.
We went to a church service where Starfield was playing, watched Twilight, hung out with her friends, went shopping, had a homemade meal, dyed Easter eggs, had an Easter egg hunt (I totally found my eggs first) and jsut hung out- it was perfect.

But the part that was the craziest to me was Saturday morning. We delievered Easter baskets to women who are victoms of human trafficing. i thought we were going to ship them off somewhere but no we hand delivered them in Houston. I had no idea something this awful was going on right here. And it was in broad daylight. Basically there are all these "spas" where women are held and then men come in and pay for a massage and other services. A lot of times women are transported between 5 or so differnt spas to be 'fresh' for the customers. They get transported in the middle of the night and many of them don't see daylight for years.

Most of the spas didnt open the doors to us but one of them did. We met Amy and Alice, two chinese women working there. They told us thier boss wasn;t there and when we tried to give them the baskets they were very confused and tried to pay us over and over. But after a few attempts of trying to pray for them they finally let us. We hugged them told them they were beautiful and left. When we were inside a man walked up to the door, saw us there and left because he was ashamed-good! oh also while we were inside we heard noises and a man's voice coming from the back-they had a customer. It was awful.

While Bethany waitde outside of a spa for about five minutes we saw two men come out of a spa. One of them looked like an average man off the street, he could have been and probably was someone's grandfather. Two men drove up and went inside while we wateched- they didn't have any shame. This was in the span of five minutes.

So needless to say that was very eye opening and heart breaking. I want to do more for these women, I just don't know what that looks like yet.


So in other news- I leave for New York City today. For work. I am excited- it is going to be stressful but a really good experiance.

My missions' trip is June 14th- I still don't have any support for it yet and the deadline is fast approaching but God is faithful I am not worried.

Thanks for your continuned prayers I know they are the only way I am making it through this. 12 weeks and I am home for vacation! :) I am very excited!!!

in an intersting turn of events...

some big changes are happening here.
if you know me at all you know I HATE change.
or at least I used to- I used to freak out but surprisngly this time I am ok.

so here is the deal. you may or may not know but I have what is called a brother core, together with my core we are a family core. when i got here it was a 12 person family core. then one brother left so we had 11, then recently (like a week ago) one of my brothers got dismissed (hense the drama that was going on- long story)

so we had a 10 person family core, which is tiny. but we were close we ate most meals together, sat in church together, sat in class together.

well last night we got some news. Our brother core is no longer our brother core. since there were so few guys the HA thought it would be best if they got adopted into another core. so they have joined another core. and thier CA will now be an assistant to thier dorm director. but here is the catch. my first brothers NEW core already had two sister cores we couldn't be a third that would be chaos- so we were brother coreless.

so we have joined another family core. we now have a new sister core and a new brother core.
so all the girls in my room are devestated. i mean its a big change- they were a close family- they've been through a LOT together. and at first i was excited because i know a few of the guys in my new brother core-

but then i realized this is not ok. this is sad. we had so many plans as a family- my sisters are hurting, my brothers are upset, my brother core CA had to step down my CA has to open up to new people. what if the new brothers dont want us? what if they dont like us?

But at wed. night service me and God hashed it out. this is good. this is HIS plan. he planned this- there is a reason. These men that he has placed in our lives are going to help us. a lot of girls need healing because of skewed versions of "good guy friends" a lot of girls need pursuers- and spiritual brothers to be the LEADERS.

these guys have big shoes to fill we LOVED our brothers- but i think if they step up to the challenge of our emotional, dramatic core- they will grow and we will grow. the sister core can learn from us too- and we from them. they don't have a very united family and ours was closer than close so we are going to bring unity to them.

so there are good things- yes i am sad- yes it is WEIRD but its good. bring it on, God I;m ready. I came here to change right?

I got this email from my FIRST (not old) brother Brandon I will share a few parts with you.

Mary: Well… You’ve been thrown a something nasty girl. You as a January are going to be an ACA to a sister core that has been literally turned upside-down. If it couldn’t have gotten worse, it just did. Mary you have been a joy to be around these past few months. I’ve loved having you as a sister and you make me smile every time I see you. Mary, God has a plan through this to grow you in ways you couldn’t begin to imagine. This is going to prepare you for something HUGE God is calling you to, for God has called you to greatness.
(ACA is the LEADER of the room and due to past events everyone in my room is going to be on probation so i have to take the baton...)

Also… if you sisters fall off the face of the earth, because this brother core’s amazing… I guess that’s awesome (because we won’t have to kill them), but I can’t loose my sisters completely. I can’t cover up the moments we’ve shared. I love you girls.

But… God has a plan… God has a plan…choose to get better…not bitter.

MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!
-Brandon.


precious right? so- here we go. I'm ready Lord.

UPG LTE

Meet Kawkway- 16 years old, pregnant, Buddist. She lives in the country of 'Back 40'. Her father is the leader of her tribe, two Buddist munks live with her but she doesn't like them because they can't talk to her or accept anything from her. She worships Buddah, fire, water, trees, stars, and is a firm beliver in reincarnation.

One day a group of strangers comes to her village. They don't look or dress like they and they can't talk to her, but they are nice and she likes them.

Her Father and Mother need Kawkway to find a husband because she is pregnant so they give her to the leader of the strangers, Skylar. Having no idea what is going on Skylar joins KayKway as they dance around the fire, and they are married, except Skylar won't bow to the fire god, none of the strangers will. They won't worship the star gods, or Buddah instead they "crucify" eachother and play music in a forgein tongue.

The next morning Kawkay and her friends take the girl strangers to get water from the water god. They take the long way so they can stop and get flowers for thier god as a gift. On the way the strangers talk about how they only have one really big god, the village girls do not understand. The girls live in fear of thier gods, if they do not worhsip them and give them gifts they will strike them down or curse their people.

The girls refuse to bow down to the water god, they say thier god will be sad if they bow down. They tell Kawkway thier god loves them, she doesn't understand her gods are angry and don't love her. The village girls fear the water god will strike down the strangers but they insist thier god is bigger and will protect them. The village girls make the strangers walk 5 steps behind them so they don't get struck by lightning when they do.

All the tribes of the "back 40" are called to a meeting. The government is there. they tell KawKway and her people about the strangers. They tell us they are liars, that they lied to come here, they said they wanted to come so they could take our culture with them, instead they have been trying to change us to all be the same. They tell us the strangers are Americans who kill thier babies and make their 16 year olds work for McDonalds.

Then they bring out two of thier soilders who had been 'saved' by the Americans. They beat them in front of the tribes, they are traitors. They kill the wife as the husband watches then beat him to death. Next the Tribal Leader of Back 40 speaks to the people. He tells us the American's 'Jesus' is a liar and only brings divison. they bring outa native girl who has been converted- she never told because she was afraid. her brother can not believe his sister would betray him and their country like that. The Government handed him a gun- he shoots his sister than turns the gun on himself.

All this information confuses KawKway. Later that day KawKway loses her baby. She assumes it is Skylar that killed her baby because he tried to bring her Jesus that poisoned her baby.

The American girls try to explain that Jesus does love her and he has a plan for her life because he loves her. The government comes by the camp- and hear the name of Jesus and take away her friends to jail. They returned later- but she doesn't know what to think of them because the Government convinced her that they were liars.

A few hours later KawKway's dad- Ratiti comes running back to camp screaming because he was blind! All the village people pray to Buddah and the fire god- but still he screams with pain. The Americans lay hands on Ratiti and pray to Jesus and he can see. KawKway's father now loves Jesus and tries to get her to believe. But the Government loves her- they gave her candy and a ride to water- they wouldn't lie to her. Jesus made her people kill each other- Jesus killed her baby.

The government hears that Ratiti has been healed, they are not happy. They make her village walk down to another village where a solider lies dead on the side of the road "YOU WANT TO SEE? SEE WHAT 'JESUS' DID!! JESUS KILLS! JESUS KILLS!" the solider screams! The village people start screaming "WHO pulled the trigger!?!? it was you! it wasn't Jesus!" Another solider pulls up. sees what happens and begins to cry "SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!" "WHY WHY! Why did she have to die? she didn't!! SHE DIDN'T!" KawKway's American friends arrive they start yelling to the solider- 'it doesn't have to be like this!! she didnt have to die, it doesn't always have to be like this!!"

---SO pretty intense right!?! Well Hi I'm KawKway- at least that is the character I played this weekend. We had the Unreached People Group LTE this weekend. I didn't think it would be so intense- it was. It was all very real. It was really hard to pretend like I didn't know Jesus and that I hated him- but at the same time I realized so many people live this way. All over the world people live in fear of their false gods- or satan- that's horrible. and the government- i mean it was heart breaking.

Sorry Sorry Let's update you.

Sorry I have neglected you all for so long.
I am very busy and starting to get a social life. Which is good, I think.

So here’s the skinny. I went to the Dallas Battle Cry last weekend. I have never been to one and since that is what I do I thought I should probably see what happens. Well I thought it went really well. It was really humbling to be able to witness such a holy moment. When hundreds of teenagers and adults went forward and accepted Christ or recommitted, it was amazing. All of all hard work I do, or the slow boring work, or getting up at 4:30 to run was all worth it.

Not to say it went off perfectly there is a lot of apathy in Dallas, well in America but you know what I mean. People were talking the whole time. But the positives were it was sold out, over sold, packed out. The hallways were a mess- it caused drama but at the same time it was really cool to see. So it was good the worship (led by Unhindered) was really good. Leeland was amazing, Jeremy Camp, Lecrae (a Christian rap artist, so good) and the Newboys, who have a new lead singer (Michael Tate from DC Talk) I’ll be honest- it was awful. But I mean, he tried?

So I got to hang out with people other than my family core and get to know the people I work with which was really nice. I learned patience- again- of course. I need more of it.

Since I’ve been back- I’ve had a lot of opportunities to go off campus lately which has been really fun. I went to Gateway Church in Dallas where Kari Jobe hails from, and then Battle Cry, and Sonic I love me some Sonic.

This week has been a really really hard week for my family core. On Sunday we found out that one of the guys in my family core’s father died. It was really hard on everyone. This kid is like the sweetest guy you will ever meet. His dad was his best friend, so not only did he lose his father but his best friend. And now has to be the male of the household to his mother and two sisters. But I hear he is doing great and the Lord has already taught him so much.

Then these past two days a lot of other drama has been going down, nothing I care to really talk about. But I would ask that you PRAY for my Family Core – that God would defend those who deserve to be defended and justice would be served. I know it sounds serious, and it kind of is. I had a breakdown yesterday But don’t worry I am fine- I will be fine. But my sisters are hurting and I am trying to be here for them. The Lord has given me peace and I know this will work out according to his plan and I have surrendered it to him and will walk by faith.

These next couple of weekends are going to be busy but I will try and keep people updated.

Also- I am going to NY in June on a mission’s trip- if you feel led to donate to help me go on this trip and help spread God’s hope and love to the hurting people of NY- let me know. But pray I get the funding. God has the money- so I don’t need to worry.
Thank you so much for praying for me and for caring enough to read this.
Until next time--